Ambient Boy

Just for the fun of it, I thought it would be good to share this picture that a friend showed me.

Actually, to be sure, EVERYTHING that has been translated into English is wrong, in some way or other.

I could start being critical and slamming every line according to syntactic failure, lexico-grammatical errors, and whatever have you. But, I think I should be nicer.

Anyway, I'll only speak my mind about "ambient boy" in the last line.

I mean, what in the world is an ambient boy?!?!?!

I know Moulin Rouge popularized Eden Ahbez's "Nature Boy", but what is an "ambient boy"?

Some definitions of "Ambient":

Adj

1. Of or relating to the immediate surroundings of something. (New American Oxford Dictionary)

2. Existing or present around you. (Macmillan Dictionary)

So, Hmm... how does this fit in with "boy"? I still have no idea. It's really hard to second-guess these creative Chinglish translators.

Since I know the Chinese words, and considering the entire sentential meaning, what the title of the piece really means is:

"A Youthful Determination Without Any Anxiety"

Still, to be really lyrical (considering this is the title of a song), I'd go for the following title, which I think, adequately captures all the ideas of the Chinese words:

"The Freedom of Youth"

Do you feel more ambient now?

Off Form Leak

When I was in Beijing, this was part of the many hilarious photos that I took home as e-souvenirs.

Talk about being totally non-PC man!

In this world where language is such a sensitive issue for so many people, everyone's always trying hard to be PC. Perhaps it's a matter of being sensitive to the feelings of those who are marginalised, or just about being careful about what we say.

And yet here we have it, in its full glory.

China's really the place to go to for your puzzling, non-related translations of individual words. Whether adjectives, nouns, or verbs, they have hilarious non-equivalents for nearly everything you might possibly think of.

Most dictionaries give the sense of "deformed" as:

"twisted out of shape"

"contorted/distorted"

"misshapen/unshapely"

(Merriam-Webster, New American Oxford, TheFreeDictionary)

So it becomes a case of knowing what contexts such an adjective should be used.

If the translators had knowledge of and did make use of a corpus, they would find that "deformed" usually collocates with notions like animals or children with mutated birth, or metal/sheet welding QC-failures, as shown by a Webcorp search for the term.

Given the picture on the sign, and knowing this from seeing it in other toilets here in Singapore, I guess the word they were really looking for is "Handicapped".

Erection Problem

Being bored, and wanting to amuse myself, I surfed around and found this picture on Engrish.com :

Talk about the science of signs! Semiotics. WOOHOO!

Once again, the Chinese have done it. The world would really be such a dull place without Chinglish or Engrish don't you think?

So, when you try to sound bombastic without checking your sources, you end up having this farcical blunder.

Haha.

I think the smarty-pants sign guys had really meant this instead, for their construction site:

Erections and Constructions, WHOAAA.

That's a world of difference we're talking about, unless of course you're talking about procreation being a corollary of the erection process. (ahem)

Seriously, this is just a case of not knowing what word collocates with what other words.

There's nothing wrong with saying "Need funds for the erection of national monuments" or other like sentences, but all in all, considering the (unfortunately) very strategic placement of the "X" across the man's lower half, it makes for suggestive good laughs. Further more, the sign stops at telling what's supposedly happening, but does not say "No Entry", making it even more hilarious.

FTW

I remember going through the various youtube videos on the Kanye West dissing Taylor Swift event, and in particular, almost all the comments made by viewers were in favor of Swift, this surely in consideration of Swift's wholesome image and West's obnoxious behavior.

Many of the comments went along the lines of:

"Taylor, you're the best! I will support you always! Taylor, FTW!"

"Kanye's an a**hole. But Taylor you rock rock girl! FTW!"

"Taylor girl, FTW!"

This is quite obviously, a random zoomed-in selection of comments left by numerous viewers. It was the last bit that I found curious. Why was there a need for "FTW"? And in the first place, what did it even mean?

Also,

A webpage showing puzzling use of "FTW":

As with a number of other internet creations, this initialism was particularly curious.

Some searches yielded the following:

Wiktionary

FTW

1. (Internet slang) For the win.

2. Fuck the world: an antisocial slogan.

3. (slang) Forever two wheels: a biker slogan.

For the win

1. (Internet, slang) Of something which completes a process in a successful manner or is of the speaker's personal preference; abbreviated as FTW.

(Sports Announcer) "He lines up the shot... and he makes it-- FOR THE WIN!"

(Speaker one) "Did anyone see the concert last Thursday?"

(Speaker two) "Rammstein ftw!" [meaning the speaker preferred Rammstein]

Urban Dictionary

FTW

"For The Win."

An enthusiastic emphasis to the end of a comment, message, or post. Sometimes genuine, but often sarcastic.

Originated from the game show Hollywood Squares where the result of the player's response is expected to win the game.

Bob: Your cheap t-shirt rocks
Sally: Cheap t-shirts ftw.

Also here is a short article on the origins and use of the phrase.

It appears that "FTW" has it's roots not just in internet culture, but having a throwback to earlier periods where rebellious biker gangs in the US would use it to indicate some form of support for an anarchic society. Thus "FTW" meant "F*** The World". This sort of negative, rancid view of society, was thankfully lost as such biker gangs probably didn't have too much of a reach. As Urban Dictionary has given us the etymology of the current sense, we now see that it "FTW" has been ameliorated to have positive connotations such as "being supportive", "aiming for victory", "forward-looking", "hopeful to win".

It is interesting to note how the internet has given this phrase a new lease of life such that the initialism becomes polysemous. Though both senses are still in used by varying communities, it is the more current sense that seems to have taken the (online) world by storm.

Here's an example of how even kids are using the phrase/initialism:

Personally, this phrase is still very distant from my own vocabulary. Since most of those who use it would do so in online gaming, I don't see myself using it since other existing options are available. From a linguist's point of view, though such internet creations are interesting, sometimes, too many inventions are just a feeble excuse for not knowing existing terms.

There should be a balance between being too quick to accept so many inventions without consideration of their long-term sustainability, and to go through proper lexicographic methods and apply such principles to determine if such linguistic creations are worthwhile and have staying power. (of course, the folks at UrbanDict and Wiktionary probably run on a different grade of engine oil).

After all, isn't it a fact of life that there will be early adopters? So let these new creations come into being, and if possible, bud and bloom according to their own natural course. If people use it, then it catches on, then it should be codified.

Ballistic Nosh

Get a load of this hilarious Chinglish photos:







Seriously, this is so hilarious!

Keyword: "Explode/s"

(From the New American Oxford Dictionary)

verb [ intrans. ]
burst or shatter violently and noisily as a result of rapid combustion, decomposition, excessive internal pressure, or other process, typically scattering fragments widely : a large bomb exploded in a park.
• [ trans. ] cause (a bomb) to do this
• (of a person) suddenly give expression to violent and uncontainable emotion, esp. anger
• (of a violent emotion or a situation) arise or develop suddenly
• ( explode into) suddenly begin to move or start a new activity

I'm just wondering what bilingual dictionaries or translators did the restaurant operators use.
Seriously. A case of lost. in. translation.

A note to self: When translating into Chinese, always seek expert advice or check context of logographic words. Don't cause others to explode into mockery. ;)

Boffin

Over the weekend, after missing all the important sporting events, I had no choice but to read up the news in the papers or from online news sources.

Being a supporter of F1 racing, I was dismayed by the boring Bahrain track a fortnight ago. Alas, due to mounting pressure from school work and deadlines, I had to give the Melbourne race a miss. And it wasn't such a bad move after all, since I learnt a new word by catching up on print and online news.

And this is also why I think the Brits really have fantastic ways of describing just about any thing, and any noun. What in the world is a "boffin"?

See picture (click to enlarge):



If like me, you were also puzzled over that word, then hurray, we're in the same linguistic ship. Obviously the dictionaries do give the meaning of that word.

Some examples:
"A person engaged in scientific or technical research"
"A person with a skill considered to be arcane, complex and difficult"


I was wondering what the word really meant in the context of F1 racing and decided to explore the site. Heading towards Youtube, I found the fuel partner of Ferrari - Shell - commenting about the need for improved fuel design technology for the racing year 2010.

See the video (but it gets a tad boring if you're not into this):



Wikipedia gives a quick lowdown on where "boffin" is used. Interestingly, the word is used in commonwealth nations like the UK, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and even India. It beats me as to why the word isn't used in Singapore.

Even the trusty OED gives the following as the etymology:
[Etym. unknown. Numerous conjectures have been made about the origin of the word but all lack foundation.]

And most dictionaries state clearly that this usage is largely informal or slang. Would you be using this word anytime soon?

Well, to be fair, the word does sound a little quirky. Muffin, anyone?

Impact Fool

I came across this particular website while searching for something else. More than anything else, it was the title of the site that motivated me to be critical. I thought it was really cheesy in the way that "impactful" was used.



It appears that "impactful" is not even a real word. However this word has made its way into the circles of corporate speak, very much in the same way "leverage" has done so.

Corporate coaches are the biggest perpetrators of this proliferation of this non-word. The following video is an hour long, but the point is that "impactful" is used with glee, peppering the coaching seminar with an artificial sense of empowerment for those that believe.



Probably this non-word just has that one aim in mind: to leave some impact upon those who would buy into its cause. I don't see myself using this word anytime soon, when we have real words such as "effective" that effectively deliver the same sense.

This is a case of the "irregardless" syndrome where false words are used by those who try to sound pompous and intellectual.

Ha ha.

Brace Yourselves!

I couldn't watch the Man Utd match so I had to do the next best thing. When I woke up this morning, I went online to read soccer news.

Hurray.

Once again, my team had won.

I was more interested in the headline. It read: "Berbatov Brace Puts United Back on Top".

See the pic below.

Anyhow, I was befuddled for a moment. I knew what a hat-trick was, but I was lost as to the meaning of "brace". And naturally, the phrase "scored a brace" was lost on me. However, as is often the case, the meaning can be inferred through reading the context, and a quick read revealed that Berbatov had scored twice in the match.

Being interested in the phrase, I did some google searches. The results:

There are 2 million hits on the phrase for a google.com search. I was not satisfied since I never heard of the word or phrase being used before. So, trying a google.com.sg search returned only 3 thousand hits:

In fact, most of the Singaporean results indicated some other form of mechanical device/aid, rather than an abstract noun. (phew, i wasn't alone)

Wondering where such a phrase came from, I headed straight to the OED. AH HAH! There it was, right down at sense number 15.

Brace simply means "a pair". Curiously, the phrase was initially "bag a brace" and was used only in cricket but it was denigrative sense, since it meant that the player scored a nought for both innings of a match.

But there was a shift in meaning to accommodate an amelioration of the sense. In the context of soccer/football today, the phrase "bag/score a brace" and the word "brace" have become synonymous with "score a double" or "double", respectively.

I'm pretty sure that both the word and phrase have now found a new-found significance in my own vocab store. Hurray for learning something new each day.

Comfort room

Over dinner recently, one of my friends who returned from a business trip in the Philippines commented to me that there were "comfort rooms" in the Pinoy land.
When he said it, he had a weird smile that made me think that the "comfort room" was some sleazy massage parlor with "extra services".

After all, my own knowledge of the word "comfort" was that it sometimes had hidden, raunchy meanings attached to it when it is collocated with another noun that follows it adjectival role.
In the Singaporean context at least, the term "comfort women" is widely known to be an euphemism for a much darker meaning given the country's position as a colony during the Japanese occupation during WW2. The many women were made to provide "comfort" at the behest of tyrannical Japanese warlords.

My initial thought on "comfort" notwithstanding, I pressed on and queried my friend on the meaning of "comfort room". His reply threw me off course from the initial private thoughts that I had made mental associations with.

Friend: "Comfort Room is what they call a Toilet in the Philippines, man."

As I scribbled down that insight, I made a note to myself to research into this curious term. As it turns out, none of the dictionaries I searched had this sense. Google however, did provide plentiful similar finds.

It was more prominent from a Google.com search:




But less so for a Google.com.sg search:



This word was unlikely to be used in Singapore to refer to the toilet, as it is in the Philippines.
Most references to "comfort room" were to the notion of "comfortable rooms" in hotels instead, as shown by the first few results and pictures.

Trying to find the concept in Pinoy webpages was a rather trying task as most of the writer wrote in Tagalog. The is however, one worthy blog given his exclusive rantings about the comfort room in the Philippines.

In the past, my parents used to teach me to say:

"excuse me, I'd like to go to the washroom/restroom/gents"

I grew up thinking that toilet was too blatant and even crude.
Now perhaps "Comfort Room" holds quite a similar meaning for the Filipinos. No Sleazy thoughts!

Fresh and Cheap, come get some!

How cheap do you have to be to get some?

Now, now, now, if you had any nasty thoughts about "getting some", you should be spanked!

Ok, I should cease with all these double entendres.

I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about Veg :

Spot the error above?

Seems like herpes is the cheapest STD on offer at just 95cents!

Now, that's what I call cheap!

Trying to get into the mind of the sign-maker for this one is not so hard a task. Just by looking at what's on offer, I kinda know that it's not really some viral disease that I wanna buy, no matter how cheap it is. (Even if it's cheap, I won't be cheap man. Hah!)

Fresh herpes?

Sorry, I'll have to pass on.

Gimme some fresh herbs instead.

Go green but don't make a scene.

Flame Wars

After watching a youtube video, I tend to scroll down to look at the comments made by viewers. If anything, sometimes it is the lame comments that are made that crack me up even more.
Contentious topics always include things to do with religion, dissing of extra-marital affairs, issues that are split with polar views, stupid people who do stupid things to get attention etc.

I've taken the liberty to get a sample of what some mild dissing or flaming looks like. This is an example from a discussion of a certain religion's extremists. People are clearly flaming each other, and taking swipes at each other's credibility by assessing his/her stupidity and even resort to cheap attacks like spelling errors.

See the picture:

It appears that there is a term to describe the action of dissing each other online. People actual "flame" each other, and they participate in "flame wars".



I was never an active user of discussion forums or the comments section in online interaction. Having heard of the term before, it didn't really stick with me till a recent re-hearing of it.

I was on the bus and heard 2 people talking:

A: "wah lau. KNN. that guy flame me loh during the presentation. Basket."
B: "haha, ya he damn loser. Trying to score points only."

It appears that this online term has made its way into everyday speak as well. Should we be surprised? I'm not, really. Tech speak creeps its way into other areas very easily today given the proliferation of tech and the web.

Just hoping I don't get flamed.

I like Kaya Toast

Quite recently, I had a lusting for some kaya toast and kopi.

Since I wanted to try out Ya Kun's famed toast and coffee, I headed straight for the nearest outlet.

It was all yummy and good.

As I was leaving, my linguistic half within me spoke to my apathetic half, "PSSST! Check out their adverts. And see if they have queer English use. Go on!"

And so, I spotted a giant advertorial placard at the entrance/exit.

With my camera pointed in that obvious direction, I was at risk of trespassing business/intellectual property law.

The manager came up to me and said, "No, you can't do that."

I replied, "Oh? Ok. Sorry about that."

And I left.

Along with the photo too.

Do you see anything curious?

If not, it's been circled in blue for easy reference:

So what in the world is a Kaya Repertoire?

In my mind, a repertoire is only used with works of art, be it music, literature, or paintings etc.

Essentially, I understand "repertoire" to be used to refer to a stock of plays, dances, or pieces that a performer knows or is prepared to perform.

Thus it makes sense to say sentences like:

"Katherine Jenkins' repertoire ranges from sacred arias to operatic takes on contemporary songs."

"My dance repertoire includes ballroom, lindy hop, and the occasional flamenco."

In this sense, a "repertoire" has the same sense of its counterpart, the "portfolio", which exists in corporate and investor speak. Essentially, it refers to a "range of things".

Once again, I can't help but comment that it was really a pointless effort to sound uppity. Unless it was an effort to promote the kaya toast as a work of art (which is still really tacky), then it might be (grudgingly) acceptable.

Just say it simply, "...our Kaya Selection".

If the food is good, the crowds will automatically stream in.

Still, I really like my toast with huge chunks of butter and thick spreads of Kaya.

Oooh.

Liver Rage

Ever heard of a Liver Rage?

You might be thinking of this:

Ok that is a representative plushie picture in place of the real liver, which looks something like this:

Besides the point about how our dear livers might not be able to take it if we ingest too much alcohol and junk, what I really mean to talk about is the rage I got from seeing another one of these stupid flyers that took up space in my mailbox again (see picture below in its uncensored glory).

I was about to reflexively throw Cijay Tew's picture into the trash-bin when I saw the cheesy, tacky, tawdry lines written on it.

Perhaps you might like to try reading it out aloud too. *Snigger*

Did you catch the phrase of relevant interest?

Well, if not, here is what I was cringing about:

Circled in red: "Leverage on..."

We covered this in one of the sessions in Lexi class recently and I knew just exactly what prof Ooi was talking about when we zoomed into those 2 words. I mean, seriously? This construction is one of the most feeble attempts by Singaporeans to sound cheem.

But to what end?

I came across this phrase when I was working part-time in the past for various private and public sector companies. Through a whole lot of emails, it was apparent that this construction was commonplace among the white-collar crowd in Singapore.

At the first, I was not too sure about the meaning in corporate-speak, but I (correctly) guessed it by associating it with a mechanical device known as the simple lever. However, it was not before some far-fetched metaphorical associations were made since "to lever" connotes the idea of "wrenching/prizing/wresting/heaving open" (i.e. a forceful act must be done to obtain some benefit; therefore you prize open the stubborn lid of the cookie tin to satisfy your crumbly cravings).

To be honest, I would actually think that the metaphor involved should have been something more to do with a catapult, slingshot, or trampoline; things that convert stored potential energy into kinetic force with propulsion involved. After all, aren't we piggybacking upon Mr. Cijay's expertise?

To Lever is to Lever-age?

And since I was wondering how did this particular sense of the word leverage come into Singaporean corporate parlance, I looked up some dictionaries and these were some of the results I obtained:

Leverage

(trans. and intr. V) Typically U.S.

1. To lever; specifically to speculate or cause to speculate financially on borrowed capital expecting profits made to be greater than the interest payable.

(OED)

Leverage

–verb (used with object)

5. To exert power or influence

6. to provide with leverage (financially-speaking)

7. to invest or arrange (invested funds) using leverage

(Dictionary.com)

There you have it.

Unless someone can explain to me how the meaning transfer of the action done by a lever can result in the same meaning of "banking on/relying on", I think I'll still stick with sentences like this:

"In fact, we could all rely on his expertise to get the best results"

Doesn't that sound all the more perspicuous? Let's not get too pretentious with using big words for simple things, shall we?

Before I end, incidentally, Mel previously did a similar post on the use of "revert" by corporate emailers. Do check it out.

My liver rages on.

Thanks for the Tip

This sign was spotted at an alley. It probably wasn't gonna get into this blog because it seemed pretty common-place. That was so until I did a double-take.

While it was immediately apparent through some linguistic introspection as to what the act of tipping meant, what was curious was why there was a need for options. If the sign-makers had just stopped at spelling out "DUMPING PROHIBITED", wouldn't it have been enough?

To Tip or not to Tip? Hmm...

What was of interest was the "TIPPING PROHIBITED". I thought that this word was probably gonna be more common in other places that have to do with the service sector. For example, if the culture of restaurants in Japan go by the policy of having no need for tipping, then the sign I would expect would be something semiotic like this:

Or if patrons understand English, then this:

Back to the initial sign that started this post, well, I found it puzzling that this linguistic construction made its way into a Singaporean sign and I did a Google.com.sg search for "NO TIPPING" and quite naturally, the pages yielded results that fit my initial idea of tipping in the sense of offering monetary reward. Further Google.co.in, Google.com.my searches also yielded similar results.

Thinking that it was perhaps something to do variations in Englishes in the world, I pressed on and thought of Singapore's colonial history. The next step was to do a Google.co.uk search and hey hey, what do you know, it turns out that "NO TIPPING" is used in other contexts in the UK.

Specifically it means "Not To Dump (rubbish)" or "Not To Empty (rubbish)". The following signs from an image search from Google.co.uk also prove the point that "TIPPING" is used in the crappy, I mean, rubbish, sense of the word:

In Manchester

Somewhere in London

So it seems that (some parts of) Singapore have/has retained the colonial, I mean British mentality in terms of linguistic indexicality. But given that Singapore is such an avid supporter of the US of A, we need to take into account that some dumbing down is needed, thus, "NO DUMPING" is provided as an option and immediate explanation for those who have no worldly sense of what a tipper truck is like.

There you have it below, "NO DUMPING" from an American webpage:

No thanks needed for the tip.

That's Crazy, man!

What's the perfect response when someone is yakking away while you're obviously NOT interested at all?

Of course you could use paralanguage and nod your head in agreement.

But when it calls for you to furnish a proper response that shows that you're still "in the conversation", you need to demonstrate a proper linguistic, conversational turn.


Cue one of the most recent derivatives of post-millennium speak:

"That's Crazy"

Seriously, what does it mean?
A quick check on UrbanDict gives this:

1. that's crazy

It's the perfect response when you haven't been listening at all.

It works whether the other person has been saying something funny, or sad, or infuriating, or boring....

Example:
Them: "my pet chinchilla ate some weed and killed my rottweiler last night."
You (thirsty, not paying attention): "oh man, that's crazy."

It seems like there's even a (lame) facebook group for this (lazy) linguistic invention.

The red bits are highlighted for easy reference (Click to enlarge):

So this means that you could well fake it and make it seem like you're listening when you're actually not. Synonyms would include:
"Wow." "Really!" "That's cool/nice/amazing."


We all love Americanisms don't we.
(Wow...)
They make even the most insouciant of responses seem sanguine.
(Oh, really!)
Heck, it even allows you to pass off as being a good conversationalist.
(That's amazing, man!)


But be careful, lest you end up sounding like a doofus with your blatant fibbing.
As an example (click to enlarge):



Just to satiate my hunger for more background knowledge, I decided to read up a little more on this curious but meaningless (yet highly useful *wink wink*) construction.

It turns out that "that's crazy" is a derivative from it's grandparent/parent form of "that's cool yo" or "that's cool". Some obvious links to Rap-speak is evident here, though through frequent wider usage among the street-worthy white Americans, it has become popularized among the middle-class of America.

"Crazy" happens to be a substitute for "cool" and just means that something is hip and socially accepted. To be classified as "crazy/cool" one needs to do stuff that brands him/her as popular and worthy of kudos or emulation.



So if Percy Jackson can stay underwater for 7 minutes, then the right response will be "that's crazy!"

That's crazy sound bite Logan Lerman sound bites

However, given the many derivations and deviations from the traditional usage of "crazy" and even "that's crazy" to mean something that means nothing at all, we should probably consider that Percy's friend, Grover, was just saying it without thinking. Oops.


So the next time, we hear someone boasting about their dog, I think we really could consider using this as well.

(Excited) A: "Hey! Guess what? My dog can spell out her name with her poo."

(Indifferent) You/Me: "Wow... that's crazy, man."

Get Gas

While driving around, I noticed the fuel gauge indicator was still sitting nicely astride the middle line between F and E. So I thought, it's OK. Topping up the petrol can wait another day.

Then I started thinking about why Shell and BP and SPC are all known as Petrol Stations here in Singapore (and in Malaysia).

Then it hit me that it's the centuries-old difference between British English and American English.

It's slightly different when we turn on all those American TV dramas and we hear Michael Scofield going "we need to fill up the gas" (whereas we say it's time to "top up the petrol").

While surfing around, I came across the following image:

It's easy to see why this is funny.

The parallel placement of the eating and getting makes for good smiles on that American stretch of road. If only we had such linguistic humour in squeaky-clean Singapore.

For those who aren't too familiar with that colloquial usage of "gas", it merely means, funnily and crudely, that when you eat at the diner, you'll emit flatulence (pass gas = fart).

More than laughs however, it was the "gas" that got me thinking. Why is it that the signer used "get gas" instead of "fill up on gas"? Most likely, it was to do with being financially economical.

Hey, more letters on the sign means more money paid, right? And of course, there's the bit of accidental humour.

Curiously enough, I didn't actually use terms like "gas station" in the past. It was only when I start watching more American TV dramas that I made that association and addition to my own lexical choice. There have been a few times when chatting with someone whom I know to be American, I found myself using "gas station" rather than "petrol station".

Perhaps it was to be accommodating, or maybe it was to show that I knew what the Yanks would call a petrol station.

In any case, we won't have that issue here in Singapore though, since we all merely "top up" the "petrol".

No gas for me, thank you. I'd rather keep the air clean.

In Continent Decoration

Another sign seen in Beijing.

Where do we even begin? Ok, enough ROTFL-ing.

I say, we really gotta hand it to the Chinese for their highfalutin intentions and linguistic ambitions. You couldn't even say they are trying to sound pretentious. I truly wonder what the translators were thinking. What were the criteria they set for choosing words for translation?

Could it be:

a) Only words that are 3 syllables and above in length can be considered.

b) Use your p's and q's properly. This entails "Please" in all translated signs.

c) As best as possible, sound stupid ostentatious without knowing it.

But I digress.

Forgive to be Incontinent?

Interior Decoration?

What?

Really, it should just be:

"Renovation in Progress.

Sorry for the Inconvenience Caused."

All in all, this is a classic case for better judgement in how we use certain words. Certain words just cannot be used alongside others and this probably calls for a deeper knowledge of their nuances and wider exposure to how those words are used in proper contexts.

Well, to be fair, if I were asked to use the logographic Chinese words to form sentences, I'll probably end up being incontinent as well.

Where's the toilet?!

Trespassers Beware

In the vicinity of my house, there is an army camp. When I was young, I often wondered to myself what would happen if someone would sneak into the area.

Then I saw the BIG RED SIGN and quite naturally, being young and impressionable, I would be moved to believe the semiotics rather than to read the fine print.

As we see from above, anyone who is a trespasser would likely be shot.

I was caught up with my aversion towards army camps from then on.

Then I grew up, as we all do.

And we learn to read the fine print (small fonts).

And it wasn't so scary after all. Cos all it said was that unauthorised persons could not enter. Phew.

And then I grew up some more, as all of us did, and I came to the university.

And then childhood trauma strikes once again...

Seen in NUS.

"Offenders will be shushed!"

Thankfully noisy people will not shot. Phew again.

Curiously, I wondered to myself why "shushed" was used in place of the more common "hushed" (more common at least in Singapore)?

And, why wasn't "Quieted" used instead? I thought that "shushed" was an informal word. As it turns out, I was not really correct since "Shush" can be used formally but only as an interjection, either verbal or adjectival.

Also, I was wondering why the sign-creators did not use other alternative phrasal forms like:

"Keep Your Volume Down"

"Silence is Golden"

"No Talking"

?

Perhaps the intent is to lessen the stressful studying culture of a university, hence the playful spin on an austere military sign, both semiotically and linguistically.

Shush!

It's Complicated

Social Networking sites like Fakebook, Facebook, allow for a relationship status.

Anyway, I'm not particularly interested in what others have it going on for them, cos we all know that most people are either just faking it, or seeking some attention.

So what if that girl is suddenly "in a relationship", or that guy is now "single"?

Do i care? No.

I think one of the most interesting status that functions as a rubbish bin, just like the Adverb categorial word class, is the "It's Complicated" status.

Seriously, what does that tell you? Nothing, really.

It could be any of the following (and more):

- fear of being called single, or to let others know s/he is attached
- holding on to something that's about to end

- still hoping to work things out
- in denial stage of separation

- someone cheating on his/her partner and is not that bothered about it

- a relationship status that does not fit into the status quo

Interestingly, this has crept into the lexicon (mental & verbal) of many internet users the world over. Anyone with a facebook account in Greece may adopt the lexical choice and conceptual relationship anonymity as someone in Geylang.

Ah, the wonders of the web and globalisation: everyone is equalised.

As with how many lexical items seep into the English language due to technological leverage, lexico-grammatical constructs like "It's complicated" have begun to take root in everyday parlance.

Just the other day, I was the unfortunate overhearer of some inane gossipy conversation that went along the lines of:

A: "aiyah, they no more together liao lah."

B: "sure meh? But I thought others say still have?."

A: "hmm, maybe not updated loh their info."

B: "But seems like have leh. I thought I saw them."

A: "Maybe now they are 'It's Complicated' loh. Haha."

Me: (silently rolling my eyes)

And the following comic is a pictorial case for uncommitted relationships, showing how this phrase has caught on in every-day speak:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/couple.png

Once Broken

The sign shown above should be familiar to perhaps some Singaporeans in its other more familiar permutation:

"Once broken, considered sold"

In what appears to be a playful version of a warning, we now have a poem (of sorts). Though I have no idea what the writer of this poem intended to signify with the literary treatment, its effect upon me was such that it made me chuckle.

In a world where money rules, capitalism teaches us that most relationships formed between strangers are monetary or commercial ones. Consider the world of merchandising and sales, these relations last for all of the short 5 minutes of a sales transaction. So yes, the comings and goings in a shop makes for little time to afford any lightheartedness. Coupled with the infamously snooty attitude of Singaporean sales staff, we are often pretty tired out by sales assistants and just want to get it (the buying process) over and done with.

As such, this sign was a deft touch in an attempt to make a drab and dire warning something of an art form, and a literary one at that. (try saying it out.)

Perhaps it's the linguist in me that was drawn to the use of such a 4-liner, but the technical poet in me, albeit a very amateurish one, came to the fore.

I couldn't help but notice that the first 3 lines consist of this particular metrical feet structure: H - L - H

Nice (H) to (L) see (H)

Good (H) to (L) hold (H)

Once (H) bro- (L) -ken (H)

, and of course, the last line was a form of 4-syllabic concluding line of a 4-line poem. I tried saying it out aloud, and hey, there's a singing ring and particularly interesting rhythmic flow to it.

And so we have a warning that sings itself and its effect upon us could be seen in 2 ways:

1) hey, this is a warning, but fear not, you can still handle the items, just be careful!

2) we are fun people and this sign says it all.

What struck me as also particularly interesting was how there was a use of the verb "hold" rather than "handle". In my opinion, if I were to write a similar warning to prospective butter-fingers, I would try to reflect all possibilities that one could do with his/her hands. In my mind then, "holding" alone isn't really all that I would do in a watch shop. I would want to fiddle with the dials, test the stopwatch, hear the alarm chimes/signals, and feel the tactile effect of the buttons - I would want to do more than "hold" the item, I would want to "handle" the metal hardware. Oh yeah.

But then, I thought that I was thinking too far. Anyway, most people would get it immediately. And I am very much a part of the masses as well. So yes, I do accept that "good to hold" is fine as well, although that niggling bit of me that wondered whether other English speakers would have such phrasal constructions.

Ok. Enough ramblings.

Well, it did help that the shop assistant was really friendly, causing me to part with my money. Boohoo.